He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
