420 ftw
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
