I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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