After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
