If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
