I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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