Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
