judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
