I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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