Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He shit in the fireplace
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
