It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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