im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
