Barsexuality is the new black.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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