dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
