But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
false alarm, still single
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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