I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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