Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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