I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
