Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
