If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
