living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
