Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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