am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
