so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
