I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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