your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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