If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't turn off my feet"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
