she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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