Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
