I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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