I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
