i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
