so explain again why im purple
no
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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