He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
