I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
