just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
