You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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