jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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