before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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