You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
