Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
