good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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