So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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