If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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