You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
