i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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