you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
