Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my shit smells like andre
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
