I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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