Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
