i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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