Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
